he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
