i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
