I saw his package. It spoke to me.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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