Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
