Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
