so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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