Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
