Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
