Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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