i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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