I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
