I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
