I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
