He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
