I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
