after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
