the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
