Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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