this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
