i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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