I need to stop coming to work sober
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
