Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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