As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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