Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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