He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
