I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
