I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
