I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
