Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
