At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
