my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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