ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
