you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
