we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
