I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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