Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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