I hate your face
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
