ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
