There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
