What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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