hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
