She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
