I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
