someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
