we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
