guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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