I CAN MOONWALK!
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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