Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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