you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
