Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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