apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
