Umm I'm too high to move.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
