my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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