i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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