there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
