that's an acceptable place to lick
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
