She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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