I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
