i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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